Monday, 27 February 2012

Giving Back Entry #16

It’s been a long road to get to where I am now. I’ve been through a lot of crazy episodes and survived to tell the story. I’ve been robbed at gun point, shot at, stabbed, incarcerated and survived alcoholism with 2 years of sobriety under my belt now. At this point of my life I feel it’s my responsibility to give back because I spent most of my life being a selfish person taking and taking. I started selling drugs at 17 years old and sold drugs for 17 years after that, so that’s a lot of taking. Over the years of my criminal career I’ve lost over 7 people to murders in this crazy game and one thing that I have learned is that life is short. Every time another layer of sorrow was added to my life I tried to drown the pain with alcohol and now that I’m sober I realized that it only made things worst and my problems still remained prevalent. I feel blessed to be a survivor because so many of us don’t make it to the other side to tell about their experiences. My point is that I need to give back and try to encourage all the people still caught up (especially the younger cats) to know that we all have choices. It doesn’t take a genius to sell drugs it’s just some simple math mixed with charisma and the respect gained from that is mostly fake love, fair weather friends and in a lot case just temporary fear. But it’s the dealers that have the true fear, the fear of challenging the mind and the fear of failure. So the so-called easy route is readily taken and with jail and death waiting at every corner how easy of a route is it really? Besides we’re loosing way too many of you these days at a young age, we need ya’ll to be a future leaders to carry the world into the future, instead of carrying your caskets now in the present day.
The reason I call my blog the Sober Emcee is because I know that the term is oxymoronic like jumbo shrimp it’s like going to the pet store trying to find a unicorn. Sober emcees are hard to come by and most of the sober rappers I ever heard of do that Kirk Franklyn gospel rap. I ain’t dissin’ that type of rap but it’s not teaching the average street kid about changes because 99% of the time they aren’t trying to listen to that stuff. So as a guy who has been there and done that I feel it’s my duty now to tell my story and hopefully change some lives for the better.
I’ve been trying lately to speak at different venues, telling my story as a way of giving back and I realized something. From going around sharing my story and hopefully helping other people I’m helping myself stay sober also. I can’ go around telling people how much I’m sober and what I’ve accomplished if I’m going to turn around and pick up a bottle of vodka later, that would make me a hypocrite. So essentially I have to thank all the readers of this blog and the people that come out and hear me speak because you’re all helping me to stay sober through your reading eyes and listening ears. So I’m going to continue to write this blog and speak at as many places as I can because if I’m helping any of you in any way, just recognize that you’re helping me too. So thank you.

Monday, 13 February 2012

Entry #15 Let's Talk About Sex

I’m coming up on my second year of sobriety in a few days and I feel good. There have been a lot of trials that I have gone through since February 17 of 2010 but still I’ve been able to maintain a clear and sober mind. One of the saying that I always hear in my AA meetings is “Remember When” that’s when we think back on the insanities that we brought to the world in our drunken state and feel happy for the moments now because those times are over. One of my remember when moments that remain prevalent in my mind was the way that I was when it came to women and sex. We all know that when we have the right amount of alcohol in us that all our inhibitions can fly away quickly. I used to drink a mickey of vodka before I went to the club so I would already be in Mac mode before even hitting the bar, plus (I thought) it made it cheaper for the night of buying expensive drinks. Truth was because I was so drunk already I had less discretion on my pockets and the money flew at the bar and ever friend, chick and even non-close associates got a drink from me. I had many of drunk sloppy sex nights after the bar or afterhours that I woke up with regrets. I would wake up in some of the strangest parts of town dreading the trip home I had ahead of me. The night before travelling all the way to another side of the city always seemed like such a great idea while I had the vodka and Hennessey making my decisions for me. But in the morning no one likes to do the walk of shame, or getting home groggy and hung over just so I can get some proper sleep in my own bed. I laugh and cringe at the same time when I think about some of the monsters I woke up next to also, the night before she looked like Megan Fox with the Henney guiding my vision but in the morning she’d look like Rosie O’ Donald. I’d like to apologize to my current fiancĂ© and past serious relationships that I had dealing with a drunken womanizer like I was back then. It’s always so easy to blame promiscuity on alcohol when I slipped, both men and women can relate to that.
When I was younger I used alcohol to loosen up to be able to talk to women because I was shy and self conscious about the weight I had back then, but as I got older alcohol went from loosening me up to just make me loose. So in closing I thank God that I’m in a relationship with a good women and that my Johnson never fell off or got chopped off from all my crazy adventures. And as I always say go out there and have some drinks and have fun just be responsible or you too can wake up in a strange place with a stranger in a bed full of regrets.