Thursday, 26 May 2011

Part 5 "Sleeping With the Demons"

     Back in my drinking days I used to have a hard time sleeping. I actually never just went to sleep, I used to pass out after 2 mickeys of Vodka after recording in my home studio or sitting up on my computer. When I got really restless I would hit one of the downtown after hours and stay out till 7am drinking. I think those were really dark times and I had a lot of things weighing on my conscious making it hard to just lie down and sleep sober. In those times I was hustling so I would stay up waiting for calls or I would be up planning or doing slutty actions behind my girlfriend's back. I hustled for 17 years and did a lot of cheating over the years so I was constantly collecting demons. For me it was hard to sleep with all those things pressing down on my mind and alcohol used to numb them until I finally passed out in my computer chair.
     Now a days I sleep shortly after my head hits the pillow without a drink. I realized that it was because the demons where gone. I stopped hustling and cheating for good and the stress of those things are gone. I started re- focusing my energy into more positive things and set my priorities towards growing up and not trying to be the coolest or being some kind of player. It's been parole appointed that I can't go to any clubs or bars and I'm okay with that because I'm not in the pursuit of the attention that I was looking for in those places. I got everything I need at home; a clean place, good friends and a great fiance. I also don't have to hide what I do from my moms and I can finally make her proud of me. Along with that I no longer have anything to hide from my fiance so I don't have to worry about side chicks calling me at the wrong time or leaving messages on my many web pages.
     Honesty feels good and I feel I no longer sleep with the demons, so I no longer need a drink(Or many) to get tired. Thank God.
Good Night


Sunday, 22 May 2011

Part 4 Higher Power

One of the 12 steps to sobriety is step 2, "We have come to believe that a power higher than ourselves can restore us to sanity." To me that's some real powerful stuff. I've always believed in God but I don't think that my connection was a real as it is these days. Before I used to only call on God when I was in trouble, when finances were low or when I was too drunk and I asked him "Please God take this feeling away and I'll never drink again." I have come to learn that God doesn't just give us immediate solutions as soon as we call him. In my life God shows that He(or She) is listening through signs that we just have to recognize.
     I recently went through an unfortunate incarceration and I begged God when it first started to get me out of there. That didn't happen and at first I thought God wasn't listening but as time went on I realized that He(or She) was listening and it was shown through my path. I was locked up for weapons possession and drug trafficking charges after I fell asleep in my old apartment from a night of getting drunk and I fire started in my place that I slept through. The firemen saved me and I didn't wake up until I was in my landlord's office. The firemen seen a bag of cocaine on my kitchen counter(sloppy) and they called the police. After they conducted a warranted search they found a loaded .44 revolver along with 2 ounces of coke in the apartment. I got out on bail and learned nothing, I went back to being a drunk and thought that as long as I obeyed my curfew that I could continue selling drugs. Two months later the vice squad smashed my door in and I was back in jail again. I thought I was doomed and God felt very far away. Nonetheless I continued to pray, I prayed for freedom and I prayed for safety. I was locked up in the Toronto Don Jail which is pretty much the roughest jail in Canada and to top it off I was one of the most violent ranges(cell blocks). I started reading the Bible steadily and praying every night.
     When sentencing came around the judge hit me with 3 years and 9 months in the federal penitentiary. Everyone on my range told me that there would be no way that I could be placed in a minimum institute because of my charges and that my lawyer was a dump truck for even putting that in my head. I noticed the first signs when I was shipped off to the assessment institute (Millhaven). I went 4.5 months in the dirty Don without one fight and that's pretty rare in there. I also came in right before the 2 for 1 days law was abolished. I got along with everyone on my range and my rapping skills made things way easier but I know now that it was God's hand protecting me.
     After 4 months in Millhaven my wish (I mean praying) came through and I was sent to a minimum security pen called Frontenac. I was also eligible for something called APR (Accelerated Parole Review) where I could get out in 1/6 of my sentenced if the parole board seen me fit for it. Once again everyone in there told me to forget about that. They said that I'm black from Toronto on a gun charge, there's no way I'll get it, "Get comfortable." they told me. The time finally came for me to see the parole board and I was granted APR and now I'm free. About a month later APR was abolished too leaving many inmates to have to do at least 1/3 of their sentence.
     To me it was obvious that God has been protecting me and answering my prayers. I don't regret doing time because it made me a better and sober person and it has brought me closer to God, my wife and my mother. Now I attend AA meetings at least 3 times a week and recognize the blessings that I have been given and continue to get. The only thing that could mess up my life at this point is drinking again because no matter how hard life can get, drinking will only make it harder for me. So in closing I would like to thank God for my sobriety I know He(or She) is always listening.     

Friday, 13 May 2011

The Sober Emcee part 3 "Say What you mean and mean what you say"

My Fiance asked me today about the things that people say when they're drunk and whether alcohol is like some kind of truth serum. The saying goes "Drunk words but sober thoughts" basically meaning that once someone is drunk the "real" statements come out, those are the things that they actually think of that person when they're sober but don't have the guts to say until they get those beer muscles. My belief is that this is true to a certain degree, a lot of what we say when the alcohol is/was in us comes from sober thoughts. On the other hand though alcohol can be very tricky on the mind and sometimes people say things that they don't really mean and it's just the crap that just spills out that was never there in the first place. Anger is anger and it doesn't necessarily mean that it takes a drink to bring out the dark side but it definitely does help. In hind sight I've said a lot of stuff that I didn't mean in my drinking days as well as shit that I've always had on my mind. So really there is no real straight answer that comes to the question of drunken words. The most we can do in life is just try to treat each other with respect all the time drunk or sober and also practice moderation so that we don't get to the point of being to drunk to control our mouths. I know a lot of people that say and do a lot of dumb shit when they get smashed but essentially are good people and just loose control sometimes. There is also the case of the mean drunk, those are the people who have a case of the Jekell and Hyde complex. Most of the time in those cases absence from alcohol might be a good idea because they can mentally or physically hurt someone when they're lost in the sauce. In the end of the day my advice is just try to stay positive most of the time but accept that things can be negative sometimes. That way if you drink a little bit to much one night you won't have to worry about what you said while drunk. And try to avoid fights while drunk because it's just going to wreck your buzz and good time.

Sunday, 8 May 2011

The Sober Emcee: The Sober Emcee 2nd Entry "Do You"

The Sober Emcee: The Sober Emcee 2nd Entry "Do You": "It seems that many of us in the Hip Hop industry have been influenced by our favorite rappers over the years. Either when it comes to fashio..."

The Sober Emcee 2nd Entry "Do You"

It seems that many of us in the Hip Hop industry have been influenced by our favorite rappers over the years. Either when it comes to fashion, catch phrases, rhyme styles and car accessories. One of the influences that stand out for me is choices of liquor. When Busta Rhymes was talking about "Pass the Couvosier" everyone started drinking Couvosier. When Fabolous and all the rappers were drinking Hypnotic (Now MIA) everyone was drinking that or Incredible Hulks (Hypnotic mixed with Hennesey). We all know about the obsession created with our favorite rappers and their connection to Crystal champagne. These days everyone is drinking Ciroc and Nuvo and who can forget the syrup craze (Cough syrup and soda mix) that erupted from the Houston movement (R.I.P. DJ Screw). I started hearing about cats in Toronto actually drinking that cough revealing mixture as if the dirty south was here in the Megacity.
In the end of the day I have no problem with what anybody drinks but if your gonna drink something do it by choice not because Diddy or Tpain drinks it, drink it because that's your drink of preference. In my drinking years I developed a liking for Smirinoff  Vodka and no one raps about that shit, I just liked it. I don't know any rap dudes who drink Budweiser but I bet you if Gucci Maine or Rick Ross started making it their drink of choice and started pouring it on models in their videos then cats where I live would be ordering cases of that shit in the club.
In the end of the day drink what you wanna drink and drink responsibly and have fun, don't drink it because your favorite rapper says they like it. It's all marketing and trying to tell us where to spend our money. So remember just do you.

Friday, 6 May 2011

The Sober Emcee: The Sober Emcee 1st Entry

The Sober Emcee: The Sober Emcee 1st Entry: "The sober emcee, sounds like an oxy moron doesn't it, sort of like jumbo shrimp. It seems that hip hop weed and liquor go hand in hand. Most..."

The Sober Emcee 1st Entry

The sober emcee, sounds like an oxy moron doesn't it, sort of like jumbo shrimp. It seems that hip hop weed and liquor go hand in hand. Most of us usually need a drink to get into that writing mood or a blunt before we get in the booth. There's nothing wrong with that and I was exactly the same way. I used to smoke better than the best of them and down a bottle of vodka a night. Matter a fact one of my AKAs was Ricky Dred AKA 100 blunts to the head. Things are different now but still somewhat the same, let me explain. Since my recent incarceration I stopped drinking (By choice) and I stopped smoking piff (Due to conditions). That's way different than the way I used to live while I was still in the "Game". The thing that's the same though is I still write a lot of rhymes and record and my creativity has not been stunted in any way. I attend AA meetings almost everyday and I feel great and still spit hot fiyah Dylan, Dylan Dylan....Dylan LOL. This is an on going blog that I have started, not to try to be all preachy and tell artist they shouldn't drink or smoke but to give ya'll some insight into what's going on in my life and the experiences I have now that I'm sober. So till next time to all my fellow artist stay creative and keep putting out quality music.