Saturday, 24 December 2011

The Sober Emcee: Holiday Cheers Entry #14

The Sober Emcee: Holiday Cheers Entry #14: So the holidays are here and everyone is doing their power shopping. There are fun times and there are stressful times. On both sides of the...

Holiday Cheers Entry #14

So the holidays are here and everyone is doing their power shopping. There are fun times and there are stressful times. On both sides of the spectrum we have the stress of our pockets getting lower from the Xmas gifts and going out with friends and loved ones but on the other side we have the joy of receiving presents and going to Xmas parties. As for me I’m closing in on my second year of sobriety and I feel great. I still have to be mindful that there will be a lot of alcohol around me wherever I go and I need to continue to use the mental tools I’ve acquired from my prison program and from Alcoholics Anonymous. I remember getting so smashed during Xmas dinners that the taste of my mother’s cooking wasn’t even a factor. That was my excuse to power drink from the morning all through the day and until the next morning. New years was an extra extra supper power drinking time and by the time midnight would come the whole world would be blurry. The problem I used to have was the fact that I had no drinking limit, there was no tap out time where I couldn’t drink anymore or I’d black out. Being a former afterhour’s patron, I remember it being 5 AM many a New Years and still going hard at the bottle wherever I was then having sloppy drunken sex.
I’m thankful now because the times that I had and the things that I went through led me to my rock bottom, I’m also thankful that I was able to recognize my bottom when I hit it. I spent Xmas and New Years Eve of 2009 on a strict probation curfew and I spent Xmas and New Year’s Eve 2010 in the federal pen. There’s no worst feeling than being away from your family from the holidays and even though the prison fed us well to alleviate some of that sorrow, it still can never beat a real home cooked meal. Inside the guards do extra cell searches around the holidays because they know that inmates will be making and stashing jail brew. And really, who wants to spend these two important holidays surrounded by a bunch of sad sexually frustrated men. We had a lot game tournaments like card games and sport tournaments to mask our sadness but in the end of the day it was still prison. When the guards switched shifts to go home to their families, we still had to stay away from ours. The most we had was a phone call home or maybe a lucky visit or a card.
I’m home now but the struggle continues I need to remember that if I pick up a drink again that my life will spiral out of control again and eventually I will end up back behind bars for more holidays. My choices now are either stay home sober or get drunk and there will being a cold prison cot waiting for me. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out which one I’m going to choose.
This blog entry is dedicated to the people that can relate and might think or know that they have a problem. For the ones who can’t remember a day that went by without getting pissy drunk and then doubling up and getting shitty drunk during the holiday. For the people that can have a drink one day and leave it alone the next day or for weeks after, I can’t lie and say that I don’t envy you. As an alcoholic I don’t have that ability, I have to practice complete abstinence. No matter what I can’t do though I still encourage people to eat, drink and be merry. Just make sure to be responsible and drink until the point of enjoyment not to the blackout or to the point where it’s not fun anymore. In the end of the day the holidays are for cheer, so cheers.

Wednesday, 7 December 2011

Booze, Bitches and Boom Bap Entry #13

Booze, Bitches and Boom Bap
In the hip hop world we are trained to think that excessive drinking is a cool thing. Everyone remembers the Jay Z videos with Dame Dash dancing around smashed pouring liquor on video vixens, the numerous club videos in the VIP with drunken rappers doing performance scenes and who can forget the 40 ounce era when rappers were doing scenes in the local corner store buying a bottle of Ol’ English. We use alcohol to commemorate our deceased comrades by pouring liquor on their graves or street corners. With that being said in hip hop we seldom associate alcohol with negativity. In my reality I believe that a lot of us hip hop heads and artist especially are serious alcoholics. Like I always say, it’s all good to get your drink on but when that drinking becomes a dependency on being able to record songs or videos then that’s a potential problem. Part of my path to being an alcoholic started in the Wu tang days when I was getting into my hustle. I used to think that waking up and grabbing a beer before working the block was a necessity and honestly I got that from watching Boyz in The Hood and Menace to Society, watching Ol’ Dog slam down 40 ounces of malt liquors while doing crazy things. I remember the St. Ides commercial with Wu tang Clan and Snoop Doggy Dogg, to me that was the coolest shit. In the ghettos in the US they were selling 40 ounces for a dollar, but we never had that in Canada. The first time we started getting them in selected stores they were sold for $5 a bottle and my friends and I were tripping over each other to buy them on the strength of hip hop. After a while I didn’t feel complete unless I had a 40 when I was on my hustle. As hip hop’s drinking taste evolved from 40s to hard liquor so did my taste. When hip hop was drinking Alize, I was in the club buying bottles of that sweet syrupy shit. When hip hop started drinking Belvedere and Grey Goose, I was buying $45 bottles of that from the liquor store instead of regular $20 vodka which is just as good or maybe even better. Let’s not even get into the Hennessey because I had way too many crazy nights trying to keep up with my favorite rappers drink of choice. Now we got Louis the 13th ($150 a shot at the bar) and Patron drinkers breaking their bank trying to get drunk while still being up to the times.
All these times helped to cultivate my drinking habit to the point where it became a big problem on my love ones, my pocket and my life in a whole. In hind sight I can’t just blame it on hip hop because no matter what I love hip hop music and culture. I’ve always been a strong believer that we need to listen to our music objectively not subjectively, meaning don’t do something just because we heard it in a song or seen I in a video or movie. If we did that then everyone who loves gangster rap would be out there on a murder spree or selling drugs to drive the hottest cars and drink themselves stupid. The problem is that a lot of us and the new generations of listeners are listening to our music subjectively and trying to keep up with our favorite rappers which essentially digging us early graves.
I’ve stopped drinking completely but I will never stop loving hip hop, I just learned now through my hard times that we can’t do things because our favorite rappers are doing it. We have to make choice based on our own preferences and limits. If ya’ll want to buy something from the bar then don’t kill your pockets trying to buy what Diddy’s buying because he’s a damn millionaire and chances are he’s getting for free anyway. Stay within your means and like I always say don’t over-do it, drink responsibly.

Saturday, 19 November 2011


As a recording artist I express my hard times as well as good times in my songs. That’s my outlet and I thank God for the ability to do that. Also there has always been outside substances accessible for use when going through hard times like drugs and my old demon alcohol. Alcohol was my dark passenger when I was celebrating achievements, but in the hard times I used it to drown out the pain. I never thought that I used to be an unhappy person or deal with depression, but while listening to some of my material from 2009-2010 in my heavy abuse time I realized that I spoke about that a lot in my lyrics. I rapped about stress and hard times and the gallons of vodka and Hennesey that I consumed to alleviate those feelings. At the time I never saw anything wrong with that, I just figured that was the “rapper” thing to do. But in hindsight I realize that those were cries for help and expressing my demons through my music.
We all have problems and stress and drama does not only choose certain people. The thing is when we feel it does alcohol make it any better? Sure I used to feel better in the moment while I was drunk but did it make those problems go away? No, as a matter of fact the problems got worst in the long run. Liquor dulled the sharpness I needed to deal with difficult situations. Liquor also made finances even harder. At the time I was a drug dealer so I made a lot of money, but we all know when you have a few drinks in you we can become way more generous. Next thing you know we’re buying drinks for people we barely even know. Also in my case I know that I screwed up a lot of re up counts for my suppliers at the time from doing my hustling accounting while drunk. So rather than my problems going away through the bottle, things actually got worst. Not to mention the way I felt the next morning from hangovers or regrets from not knowing exactly what happened the night before, or even not knowing where the hell I was or who the hell is this nasty chick next to me.
I’m not going to get all preachy and suggest people not to drink just because I don’t anymore. But just realize that when your getting smashed because times get rough that it’s only temporary euphoria. Those problems will still be there after the party is over but we need enjoyment to contras those hard times. With that being known I suggest that you go out there and enjoy yourself but set limits so that good time doesn’t make those hard times turn harder.

Stay Blessed

Thursday, 6 October 2011


I was arrested on December 10th 2009, after an unfortunate accident encouraged by alcohol. That evening I had just come off the plane from New York City and I was dying to get drunk, but getting drunk almost made me die. As soon as I got back to my apartment I opened a bottle of vodka and had my once usual drink of vodka mixed with a slight touch of water. After the elixir hit my brain I started making bad decisions. I left the apartment around midnight and went to my favorite hang out at the time Octopus Lounge. At the bar I downed many glasses of vodka and cranberry juice, at that point I never needed to tell the bartender my order, I was such a regular by this point that they just knew. After a few hours of drinking and mingling I left the bar and went home with plans to go to the afterhours later on. At home I continued to drink the vodka that was waiting for me in my regular routine when I got a call from my friend/customer that will remain nameless. He wanted to come and pick up a bag of cocaine and as a prevalent dealer of such I was equipped. He arrived shortly after 3:30am and we hung out a bit and drank before he made his purchase and left. By that point I was very inebriated and high off of excessive amounts of weed. My plans were still to go to my beloved afterhours but the plans changed when I passed out. When I awoke I was being taken out of the apartment by firemen and brought downstairs to my landlord’s office. I was baffled, confused and very groggy from the indulgence, especially since there was a police officer waiting for me in the office. I realized by the fire alarms and the fire trucks outside that there was a fire but was puzzled by the fact that no one else from my building was outside. The officer told me it was because the fire was in my apartment and in addition that I was under arrest. I was told that upon the entry to my apartment by the fire department that one of the firemen discovered a considerable amount of cocaine on my kitchen counter and the authorities were called. I was escorted to the 14 division police station and left in the interrogation room. After an hour a couple of detectives came in to question me about the cocaine and inform me that they would be returning to my apartment with a search warrant while I remained detained. “If we search your apartment are we going to find anything else besides the coke?” one of the detectives asked. I told them no and they left me in the room for another two hours. When they returned one of them said, “I thought you told us that there was nothing else in your apartment?” I maintained my claim when the detective finally dropped the bomb shell. “What about the loaded .44 that we found in your computer tower?” he asked rhetorically. I realized then that my life was about to change. I was detained and transported to the Toronto Don Jail. Four days later I was released on bail with a lot of conditions including a 9pm curfew.
Fast forward two months, I continued selling drugs and getting drunk in a new apartment when I was raided by the vice squad. This time I wasn’t getting bail and I was sent to await my trial back at the Don jail. That was February 17th 2010 and that was the last time I ever had a drink. That was my wake-up call and I’ve been awake ever since.
Besides prison saving my life music also saved my life. I’ve been an artist/manager/record company CEO for a long time and on my first night on an extremely rough range I displayed my lyrical skill while we were on the nightly lock down. The next morning every hip hop lover wanted to know more about me and my profession.
Eventually I was sentenced to 3 years and 9 months in a Federal penitentiary and I knew I had to better myself with the time I was given away from the outside world. I began attending the AA Pathway to Freedom group every Sunday and never missed one meeting. In February of 2010 I received my one year medallion that I carry with me everywhere to remind me of my accomplishment. I began attending an AA meeting in downtown Toronto at 7:30am and searched out others until I found all the ones that I was comfortable with.
I am now twenty months sober and loving the feeling and I owe it all to God, Alcoholics Anonymous and prison. Prison was my turning point and if it wasn’t for that time away I probably would have still been a drunk suffering from financial strain, jondis and social disorder. The alcohol was definitely catching up to me and eventually I could’ve died from alcohol poisoning, sorossis of the liver or just end up homeless from a financial downward spiral. When I used to see homeless people I used to think, “Those are real alcoholics.” That could never happen to me I thought, now when I see them I don’t separate myself from their misfortune because if I continued on my destructive path I would eventually be sitting next to them begging for change outside of the liquor store.
I don’t regret a day in jail because without that experience I wouldn’t be able to experience the real freedom that I live now being a productive sober man.

Monday, 12 September 2011

Locked in brings God out!

Part 10:Locked in brings God Out

It seems that a lot of times when people have their backs against the wall is when we call to God. This is especially true when it comes to people being incarcerated, a lot of times getting locked behind bars brings out ones religious and/or spiritual side. We have many Christians in jail, inmates that join the Islamic faith, we even have full out pastors and religious clergy men that were once convicts. I myself have experienced this same so-called awakening and since my incarceration in 2010, have begun to frequent the jail chapel and re-found Christ. Why is this? I ponder to myself, is this all real or is it just temporary until we are freed? Do we think that if we try to talk to God now, that He will open those prison doors sooner? I personally know that this is not true because I’ve seen many a chapel attendees get turned down for parole.

Ultimately it’s not how much we pray while inside that counts, but our true devotion and dedication to God and His ways that we live by when we get out. If God is all knowing then He can be able to see which of us really hold our praying and recognition in our hearts. He knows which one of us is going to continue a righteous path from the ones who only think of Him until we get out. I feel my faith is strong but I still feel that I should have tried harder to frequent church when I got out on parole. Not because God only blesses Christians who go to church, God judges by our actions not the venue we choose to worship Him in. I should have gone to church more often because that’s what I said I was going to do and a man’s word is his bond.

This goes to my belief that we should not only call on God in our hard times but also in our good times. When things are going well in our lives we must never forget to always give thanks to God. We must give back by being His workers in the factory of righteousness. By always giving a helping hand to someone in need, by looking outside of ourselves and being selfless rather than selfish, spreading the word to those who want it or by being more humble are all ways of living in Godly ways.

God is with us every day of our lives so we must not just acknowledge Him on our worst days but thank Him on our best days. So to all my convicts and former convicts, it’s good to speak to God while we’re inside as long as we continue to speak to Him when we get out.


Monday, 22 August 2011

The sober Emcee Part 9. Accountability and Frienemies

For those of you who know me and/or have been following my blogs, then you know that I am still currently at the Frontenac federal institution in Kingston Ontario on a alleged parole violation. I vehemently maintain my innocence on this slanderous accusation and pray that my innocence will be vindicated by the parole board at my hearing coming up very soon. I have been maintaining a positive attitude throughout this whole ordeal and keeping my faith in the lord very strong.

I have learned one very important lesson through this; always be aware of frenemies. To my knowledge I haven’t collect many if any enemies in my past, so there for the accuser must be a so called friend. This so called friend has accused me of engaging in criminal activity and has pointed my picture out of a police lineup. This shows me that potentially this person has recently received some legal problems and has fabricated a story about me to lessen their charges or jail time. It reveals to me that a lot of people have a problem with being held accountable for their own actions.

I’ve learned over the one year duration of my earlier incarceration through 2010 that accountability is very important. Through the previous years of my drunkenness and hustling I always wanted to point outward at the faults for my tribulations. “It’s the systems fault or the police.” I would say. It was the problems in my life that was the reasons I drank so heavily and made bad decisions, “blame it on the alcohol.” Like the song says. But it was me who picked up the bottle not the system that bought it for me or put it in my hands. I chose to do crimes in those days not the hood or the government that forced me to sell drugs. There’s a lot of people who put blame on others when they get caught doing illegal activity, they are called SNITCHES and even from child hood this is never known as a good trait. Our parents would always tell us that, “no one likes a tattle tale.” In my specific situation this person is not only considered a snitch but also a liar because the allegations are totally untrue. If I kept the same mentality then I would of came out of jail and went right back to the hustle to further risk catching a new charge like so many other inmates that I have met.

Bob Marley sang, paraphrasing the bible, “man to man is so unjust, you don’t know who to trust. Your worst enemy could be your best friend and your best friend your worst enemy.” This teaches me that the word trust is only to be reserved for a small few, keep a very small circle.

The old drunken me would have ill will towards my accuser. To find out whom it is and where they are and do something drastic to them which might in turn land me in even more trouble. But now with a clear sober mind and strong faith, I now pray for my so called enemy I pray that they can seek god to help them change their ways and help them out of their own tribulations, instead of using someone else ( namely me ) as their scape goat for their own situation.

So to my readers and loved ones, don’t worry god’s got my destiny in his hands and the truth shall set me free!


Saturday, 9 July 2011

The Sober Emcee: Part.8 A letter to my readers

For anyone who has been following my ongoing blog, I would like to thank you. I would like to thank my lovely fiancé for typing out my message to you and I would like to thank anyone and everyone for your support. I hope that anything I had to say in the previous entry has influenced you in a positive way.

  If you don’t already know, I have been sent back to the federal penitentiary for an alleged parole violation. I maintain my innocence and those of you who really know me know that I’m am sincere by the positive changes that I have made in myself. I am at a federal camp called the Frontenac institution. Regardless to the fact this is still a prison and there are rules and regulations that you must abide by.  There are many people doing life sentences and long bids who are separated from their friends and family. In my opinion, when we laugh and smile here its to keep from expressing our true emotions of sorrow, stress and frustration. Many have tried to alleviate those feelings via drugs and alcohol which are readily available here and in many other institutions. The fact is that alleviation is only temporary, no matter how high or drunk an inmate gets we are still here and that’s the reality.  I believe that we must always look to god and our own inner strength to free our minds while our bodies are still being incarcerated. I know it’s easier said than done but it’s do-able. We can’t help our family and friends if were in an altered state of mind. I know it sounds cliché but we can’t escape our problems with a joint or a drink. Even worse if we get caught or make the wrong decisions while in that inebriated state, we can catch additional charges which in turn prolong our reunion with our loved ones on the outside. This also translates to all of you who are not incarcerated. If we aren’t in the right frame of mind then we are no help to the people around us.

  As for me, I continue to stay sober and attend AA meetings supplied by the institution. I try to look at the bright side of my situation and I continue to keep my faith in god and the hope that I will be vindicated for my innocence.  At least, I’m in a minimum security institution for now and not some cruel prison in a foreign country.  At least I’m not doing a life bid so eventually I will come home, hopefully sooner than later. I still have my life and health after all the tribulations I’ve been through, most of all at least I’m still sober and have the love and support of my wife, mother, friends, and family. I will see all of you soon but for now I am still mentally free.


Tuesday, 21 June 2011

THE SOBER EMCEE Part.7 Corruption

I’m writing ya’ll from the Toronto west detention right now, with my fiancé typing this into cyber space for ya’ll to read. Recently I was picked up by Toronto police for suspicion of carrying a hand gun which is totally false, ludicrous as well as slanderous.  It just proved to me that the devil is always hard at work. I will soon be shipped back to the federal pen where I will be awaiting my chance to speak in front of the parole board.  I know that I have been wrongly accused.  I will once again spend another birthday in jail, be away from my fiancé and away from my mother and her current ailing condition. Never the less I must still keep the faith. I can’t lie I got mad at god when I heard the news that I would have to head back to the pen.  Being innocent made me feel that god should be on my side and I should have been out a few days after I was picked up. I laid up in my bunk pisst off at god and the world. But when I calmed down I realized I couldn’t give up. I know everything happens for a reason and no matter the circumstance, god is always with me.  If I give up and go back to my drunken criminal ways, things will only get worse for me and I will probably end up with more time away. That’s time away from my family, friends, fiancé, and mother and that’s no help.

  I will continue to go to AA meetings inside, I will stay positive and I will continue to spread my message to whoever will listen. With god’s grace I will be home in no time. No matter what I can’t let the system win in their mission to break me down. God will overcome corruption.

Stay Blessed

Friday, 3 June 2011

The Sober Emcee part. 6 Hitting Rock Bottom(The Power of God and AA)

     I've had a pretty long drinking career. I can say I started drinking when I was about 16 maybe 15. Back then I used to drink beer with my friends in Montreal and it wasn't an everyday thing. We used to snatch and grab 24s from the corner stores then go in the park and get plastered and it didn't take much in those times. That was around the same time that I started going to clubs. I used to use older friends IDs so I could get in and when I did I would only have a few drinks because frankly I was pretty broke. Around that time was the first time I ever drank a 40 oz of malt liquor. I was in Brooklyn at the time on the stoop with a couple of friends from my grand mothers block. I remember drinking one and feeling nice so, always being the over-doer I decided to buy another one, I think they were only $1.50. After the second one I went back to my grand ma's stoop and sat down alone. In about five minutes I felt it all coming back up and then I threw up all over the railing of her stoop, then I crawled up her long stairs to her apartment with my brain spinning.
     As time went on my tolerance went up and I started smoking weed at 16. At 17 I started selling drugs and I used to sell crack out of an apartment in Montreal. I used to smoke weed and drink a few beers every night but it still wasn't bad yet. I use to go to the club and see my bosses buying out the bar, I thought they were the coolest mofos in the world.
     Things started changing after I quit working for them. I opened a weed base with a friend of mine(who will remain nameless) at 19years old and I was making a shit load of money. I used to drink Red Bull beers in the tall cans and I would slam down about 6 of them a day sitting in the base. My partner in crime used to complain that I drank to much even back then. I thought that I was the envy of my friends with my higher tolerance level. We used to sit around and have freestyle sessions for hours smoking and drinking like crazy. I also used to hide beer cans in my room when I was at home so that my mother wouldn't see me drinking. I guess now in hindsight I was starting to become a real alcoholic because of the fact that I started hiding it.
     When I finally moved to Toronto at 22 things started getting worst. I would continue drinking Red Bull(beer) and started gaining a tolerance for hard liquor, that was the year I had my first black out at a party. When I moved in with a couple friends in an area called Bleaker I drank beer all day and switched to hard liquor all night when I used to go to the all night house music jams. As time went on I started developing a taste for cognac and Gran Marnie and I had a customer that would bring me bottles of Don Perignon for only $60 a bottle. I thought I was the coolest shit drinking Don in my apartment from the bottle with no special occasion.
      Fast forward and things started getting really bad around 2006, I was on to vodka by now and it was a nightly thing. I was managing a group named Empire and we partied a lot, the problem was when the party was over I would still be drinking alone. I was already frequent in the after hours scene and my tolerance level was through the roof.
     I met my fiance in 2007 and she didn't realize how bad my drinking problem was until 2008. I had caught 2 impaired driving charges within a year. I lost my driver's license and I started having a secret depression. My girl suggested  that I start going to AA and I did, but I wasn't going for me at the time , I went to please her. I was still selling drugs, so while I shared in the meetings my phone would be buzzing in my pocket with customers with addiction problems similar to the ones in the meeting. I felt like the biggest hypocrite and after a month of sobriety I started again and I went hard.
     If you have been following my past blogs then you know about why I got incarcerated. That was the end for me and I started doing a lot of changing. I prayed more and I started going to AA again from inside. On February 16th I received my 1 year sobriety medallion and now I have almost 16 months under my belt.
     Jail was truly rock bottom for me and all I want to do is go up right now and as long as I stay sober I will. I attend AA meeting almost daily and I love it and I do it for me. Drinking is fun but it's not for everyone especially me. Don't get me wrong, PLEASE have fun . But if I'm at the party with ya'll just pass me a water or a soda and I'll be just as fun at the party with you.

Thursday, 26 May 2011

Part 5 "Sleeping With the Demons"

     Back in my drinking days I used to have a hard time sleeping. I actually never just went to sleep, I used to pass out after 2 mickeys of Vodka after recording in my home studio or sitting up on my computer. When I got really restless I would hit one of the downtown after hours and stay out till 7am drinking. I think those were really dark times and I had a lot of things weighing on my conscious making it hard to just lie down and sleep sober. In those times I was hustling so I would stay up waiting for calls or I would be up planning or doing slutty actions behind my girlfriend's back. I hustled for 17 years and did a lot of cheating over the years so I was constantly collecting demons. For me it was hard to sleep with all those things pressing down on my mind and alcohol used to numb them until I finally passed out in my computer chair.
     Now a days I sleep shortly after my head hits the pillow without a drink. I realized that it was because the demons where gone. I stopped hustling and cheating for good and the stress of those things are gone. I started re- focusing my energy into more positive things and set my priorities towards growing up and not trying to be the coolest or being some kind of player. It's been parole appointed that I can't go to any clubs or bars and I'm okay with that because I'm not in the pursuit of the attention that I was looking for in those places. I got everything I need at home; a clean place, good friends and a great fiance. I also don't have to hide what I do from my moms and I can finally make her proud of me. Along with that I no longer have anything to hide from my fiance so I don't have to worry about side chicks calling me at the wrong time or leaving messages on my many web pages.
     Honesty feels good and I feel I no longer sleep with the demons, so I no longer need a drink(Or many) to get tired. Thank God.
Good Night


Sunday, 22 May 2011

Part 4 Higher Power

One of the 12 steps to sobriety is step 2, "We have come to believe that a power higher than ourselves can restore us to sanity." To me that's some real powerful stuff. I've always believed in God but I don't think that my connection was a real as it is these days. Before I used to only call on God when I was in trouble, when finances were low or when I was too drunk and I asked him "Please God take this feeling away and I'll never drink again." I have come to learn that God doesn't just give us immediate solutions as soon as we call him. In my life God shows that He(or She) is listening through signs that we just have to recognize.
     I recently went through an unfortunate incarceration and I begged God when it first started to get me out of there. That didn't happen and at first I thought God wasn't listening but as time went on I realized that He(or She) was listening and it was shown through my path. I was locked up for weapons possession and drug trafficking charges after I fell asleep in my old apartment from a night of getting drunk and I fire started in my place that I slept through. The firemen saved me and I didn't wake up until I was in my landlord's office. The firemen seen a bag of cocaine on my kitchen counter(sloppy) and they called the police. After they conducted a warranted search they found a loaded .44 revolver along with 2 ounces of coke in the apartment. I got out on bail and learned nothing, I went back to being a drunk and thought that as long as I obeyed my curfew that I could continue selling drugs. Two months later the vice squad smashed my door in and I was back in jail again. I thought I was doomed and God felt very far away. Nonetheless I continued to pray, I prayed for freedom and I prayed for safety. I was locked up in the Toronto Don Jail which is pretty much the roughest jail in Canada and to top it off I was one of the most violent ranges(cell blocks). I started reading the Bible steadily and praying every night.
     When sentencing came around the judge hit me with 3 years and 9 months in the federal penitentiary. Everyone on my range told me that there would be no way that I could be placed in a minimum institute because of my charges and that my lawyer was a dump truck for even putting that in my head. I noticed the first signs when I was shipped off to the assessment institute (Millhaven). I went 4.5 months in the dirty Don without one fight and that's pretty rare in there. I also came in right before the 2 for 1 days law was abolished. I got along with everyone on my range and my rapping skills made things way easier but I know now that it was God's hand protecting me.
     After 4 months in Millhaven my wish (I mean praying) came through and I was sent to a minimum security pen called Frontenac. I was also eligible for something called APR (Accelerated Parole Review) where I could get out in 1/6 of my sentenced if the parole board seen me fit for it. Once again everyone in there told me to forget about that. They said that I'm black from Toronto on a gun charge, there's no way I'll get it, "Get comfortable." they told me. The time finally came for me to see the parole board and I was granted APR and now I'm free. About a month later APR was abolished too leaving many inmates to have to do at least 1/3 of their sentence.
     To me it was obvious that God has been protecting me and answering my prayers. I don't regret doing time because it made me a better and sober person and it has brought me closer to God, my wife and my mother. Now I attend AA meetings at least 3 times a week and recognize the blessings that I have been given and continue to get. The only thing that could mess up my life at this point is drinking again because no matter how hard life can get, drinking will only make it harder for me. So in closing I would like to thank God for my sobriety I know He(or She) is always listening.     

Friday, 13 May 2011

The Sober Emcee part 3 "Say What you mean and mean what you say"

My Fiance asked me today about the things that people say when they're drunk and whether alcohol is like some kind of truth serum. The saying goes "Drunk words but sober thoughts" basically meaning that once someone is drunk the "real" statements come out, those are the things that they actually think of that person when they're sober but don't have the guts to say until they get those beer muscles. My belief is that this is true to a certain degree, a lot of what we say when the alcohol is/was in us comes from sober thoughts. On the other hand though alcohol can be very tricky on the mind and sometimes people say things that they don't really mean and it's just the crap that just spills out that was never there in the first place. Anger is anger and it doesn't necessarily mean that it takes a drink to bring out the dark side but it definitely does help. In hind sight I've said a lot of stuff that I didn't mean in my drinking days as well as shit that I've always had on my mind. So really there is no real straight answer that comes to the question of drunken words. The most we can do in life is just try to treat each other with respect all the time drunk or sober and also practice moderation so that we don't get to the point of being to drunk to control our mouths. I know a lot of people that say and do a lot of dumb shit when they get smashed but essentially are good people and just loose control sometimes. There is also the case of the mean drunk, those are the people who have a case of the Jekell and Hyde complex. Most of the time in those cases absence from alcohol might be a good idea because they can mentally or physically hurt someone when they're lost in the sauce. In the end of the day my advice is just try to stay positive most of the time but accept that things can be negative sometimes. That way if you drink a little bit to much one night you won't have to worry about what you said while drunk. And try to avoid fights while drunk because it's just going to wreck your buzz and good time.

Sunday, 8 May 2011

The Sober Emcee: The Sober Emcee 2nd Entry "Do You"

The Sober Emcee: The Sober Emcee 2nd Entry "Do You": "It seems that many of us in the Hip Hop industry have been influenced by our favorite rappers over the years. Either when it comes to fashio..."

The Sober Emcee 2nd Entry "Do You"

It seems that many of us in the Hip Hop industry have been influenced by our favorite rappers over the years. Either when it comes to fashion, catch phrases, rhyme styles and car accessories. One of the influences that stand out for me is choices of liquor. When Busta Rhymes was talking about "Pass the Couvosier" everyone started drinking Couvosier. When Fabolous and all the rappers were drinking Hypnotic (Now MIA) everyone was drinking that or Incredible Hulks (Hypnotic mixed with Hennesey). We all know about the obsession created with our favorite rappers and their connection to Crystal champagne. These days everyone is drinking Ciroc and Nuvo and who can forget the syrup craze (Cough syrup and soda mix) that erupted from the Houston movement (R.I.P. DJ Screw). I started hearing about cats in Toronto actually drinking that cough revealing mixture as if the dirty south was here in the Megacity.
In the end of the day I have no problem with what anybody drinks but if your gonna drink something do it by choice not because Diddy or Tpain drinks it, drink it because that's your drink of preference. In my drinking years I developed a liking for Smirinoff  Vodka and no one raps about that shit, I just liked it. I don't know any rap dudes who drink Budweiser but I bet you if Gucci Maine or Rick Ross started making it their drink of choice and started pouring it on models in their videos then cats where I live would be ordering cases of that shit in the club.
In the end of the day drink what you wanna drink and drink responsibly and have fun, don't drink it because your favorite rapper says they like it. It's all marketing and trying to tell us where to spend our money. So remember just do you.

Friday, 6 May 2011

The Sober Emcee: The Sober Emcee 1st Entry

The Sober Emcee: The Sober Emcee 1st Entry: "The sober emcee, sounds like an oxy moron doesn't it, sort of like jumbo shrimp. It seems that hip hop weed and liquor go hand in hand. Most..."

The Sober Emcee 1st Entry

The sober emcee, sounds like an oxy moron doesn't it, sort of like jumbo shrimp. It seems that hip hop weed and liquor go hand in hand. Most of us usually need a drink to get into that writing mood or a blunt before we get in the booth. There's nothing wrong with that and I was exactly the same way. I used to smoke better than the best of them and down a bottle of vodka a night. Matter a fact one of my AKAs was Ricky Dred AKA 100 blunts to the head. Things are different now but still somewhat the same, let me explain. Since my recent incarceration I stopped drinking (By choice) and I stopped smoking piff (Due to conditions). That's way different than the way I used to live while I was still in the "Game". The thing that's the same though is I still write a lot of rhymes and record and my creativity has not been stunted in any way. I attend AA meetings almost everyday and I feel great and still spit hot fiyah Dylan, Dylan Dylan....Dylan LOL. This is an on going blog that I have started, not to try to be all preachy and tell artist they shouldn't drink or smoke but to give ya'll some insight into what's going on in my life and the experiences I have now that I'm sober. So till next time to all my fellow artist stay creative and keep putting out quality music.