Thursday, 4 April 2013

The Sober Emcee Entry #23 "Changes"

A lot of people are afraid of change. Most of the time we get dependant on our comfort zones. Some of us are afraid of moving, some are afraid of getting a new job, some are afraid of break ups the list can be endless. My motto is making the changes before it’s too late and my hand is forced or I regret not making the changes I should have. I hate feeling stuck and dealing with the consequences of not making the changes when it was needed. I dealt with that during my incarceration and it was a really shitty feeling. Even though jail helped me to make positive changes, it was a real hard way to learn and make those realizations. Either way we have make sure that we’re making these changes for ourselves first and not for other people. Don’t make a change because your parents want you to, or a girlfriend or you want to be cool for your friends. You have to do it for you first or the change won’t stick we can end up bitter with regrets. I have a cousin in Montreal who has been hooked on crystal meth for more than a decade. My family has been trying to get in his head forever and he has been in and out of jail and rehab with no results. I’ve always told them that he will always be hooked until he gets fed up of being homeless or the voices he hears in his head. Essentially he has to decide that he wants something more for his life and only then will he be travelling on the road to recovery. I remember when I tried to stop drinking back in 2008. Back then I tried to stop for a woman. She hated my excessive drinking and was seeing my downward spiral. I decided to go to AA but I was still hustling at the time. Within a month I was leaving a meeting and going to the liquor store. In hindsight I realize it wasn’t just the alcohol that needed to change but I needed a whole lifestyle renovation. I learned the hard way but at least I learned and now I’m sober and it’s for me first. Even now with 3 years of sobriety under my belt there’s always unforeseen changes happening, some good and some bad. Between financial adjustments, breakups and the huge responsibility of dealing with a mother with Alzheimer. Along with positive changes like the constant job promotions, musical achievements and even the success of this on-going blog series. Shit I went back to the pen for 3 and a half months after frivolous accusations that I was completely innocent of. I could have easily used that as an excuse to give up and go back to my old friend Mr. Smirnoff. But because of my initial decision that I wanted my life to be different, I kept hanging with my new friend Miss Evian. If I ever make the decision to change sobriety back to drinking again, the changes that will follow will definitely be negative and destructive to me and my loved ones. If I didn’t make the decision 3 years ago to change my life and cut alcohol out of my living equation then I would’ve had numerous reasons to drink whether out of pain or celebration. To sum it all up changes start from inside our own hearts not from the outside. It’s better to make the changes, not let the changes make you. Bless

1 comment:

  1. We create our own destruction by losing control over ourselves. We can also build up a new and worthy being by being in control. You're right about us making the change. It's not our parents nor our friends—it's us. Your blog is truly inspiring! Hope to read more from you!

    Dinah Gerdts