Sunday, 22 May 2011

Part 4 Higher Power

One of the 12 steps to sobriety is step 2, "We have come to believe that a power higher than ourselves can restore us to sanity." To me that's some real powerful stuff. I've always believed in God but I don't think that my connection was a real as it is these days. Before I used to only call on God when I was in trouble, when finances were low or when I was too drunk and I asked him "Please God take this feeling away and I'll never drink again." I have come to learn that God doesn't just give us immediate solutions as soon as we call him. In my life God shows that He(or She) is listening through signs that we just have to recognize.
     I recently went through an unfortunate incarceration and I begged God when it first started to get me out of there. That didn't happen and at first I thought God wasn't listening but as time went on I realized that He(or She) was listening and it was shown through my path. I was locked up for weapons possession and drug trafficking charges after I fell asleep in my old apartment from a night of getting drunk and I fire started in my place that I slept through. The firemen saved me and I didn't wake up until I was in my landlord's office. The firemen seen a bag of cocaine on my kitchen counter(sloppy) and they called the police. After they conducted a warranted search they found a loaded .44 revolver along with 2 ounces of coke in the apartment. I got out on bail and learned nothing, I went back to being a drunk and thought that as long as I obeyed my curfew that I could continue selling drugs. Two months later the vice squad smashed my door in and I was back in jail again. I thought I was doomed and God felt very far away. Nonetheless I continued to pray, I prayed for freedom and I prayed for safety. I was locked up in the Toronto Don Jail which is pretty much the roughest jail in Canada and to top it off I was one of the most violent ranges(cell blocks). I started reading the Bible steadily and praying every night.
     When sentencing came around the judge hit me with 3 years and 9 months in the federal penitentiary. Everyone on my range told me that there would be no way that I could be placed in a minimum institute because of my charges and that my lawyer was a dump truck for even putting that in my head. I noticed the first signs when I was shipped off to the assessment institute (Millhaven). I went 4.5 months in the dirty Don without one fight and that's pretty rare in there. I also came in right before the 2 for 1 days law was abolished. I got along with everyone on my range and my rapping skills made things way easier but I know now that it was God's hand protecting me.
     After 4 months in Millhaven my wish (I mean praying) came through and I was sent to a minimum security pen called Frontenac. I was also eligible for something called APR (Accelerated Parole Review) where I could get out in 1/6 of my sentenced if the parole board seen me fit for it. Once again everyone in there told me to forget about that. They said that I'm black from Toronto on a gun charge, there's no way I'll get it, "Get comfortable." they told me. The time finally came for me to see the parole board and I was granted APR and now I'm free. About a month later APR was abolished too leaving many inmates to have to do at least 1/3 of their sentence.
     To me it was obvious that God has been protecting me and answering my prayers. I don't regret doing time because it made me a better and sober person and it has brought me closer to God, my wife and my mother. Now I attend AA meetings at least 3 times a week and recognize the blessings that I have been given and continue to get. The only thing that could mess up my life at this point is drinking again because no matter how hard life can get, drinking will only make it harder for me. So in closing I would like to thank God for my sobriety I know He(or She) is always listening.     

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